Return of the “Bum Bags”
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It was jump to happen at some point, and now the dreadful truth is upon me: I am turning into my great-aunt. What has finally pressed me over the edge into becoming an old trout and hurrah for old trouts everywhere, the voices of understanding and common sense! is the rapidly increasing fashion occurrence known as across-the-body bags.
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Frankly, when the idiom first cropped up in discussion, I thought it was some frightful new term to arise out of 21st-century warfare. But, no, in fact Its what girls wear to keep their money safe at festivals or raves, says my teenage informant. ‘Though sad middle-aged people are buying them now you know the kind in their thirties who go to stay in expensive fashionable tepees at Glastonbury, in the tragic belief that they are still young. She speaks in the exhausted tones of an 18-year-old whose territory at Top shop has been hijacked by frantically energetic forty somethings; though she is equally scathing about luxury-label across-the-body bags. ‘They are so WAG, says the teenage informant.
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‘Or like someone pretending to be Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex and the City, but in a bad affair where its all a bit embarrassing. Of course, you do not need to make adult fashion decisions based on the advice of a teenager; and, anyway, as my grass grudgingly admits, if you buy a practical version, they are useful for traveling (whether or not you are on a gap year).

In my adolescence, several centuries ago, we called them ‘bum bags a description that carries with it a warning of their potential to be particularly unappealing and even longer ago I used to wear an earlier, more streamlined equivalent to school. Now, I would in fact like one of those money-belts again: it was made of robust navy-blue ribbed elastic with a clasp at the front, and a hidden zip at the side for cash (a few shillings for lunch and buses, back in the day).
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The teenage informer says the only suitable non-teenager who can get away with an across-the-body bag is Cheryl Cole. But I think anyone could wear a sturdy school standardized money belt, if only they were still available at John Lewis. Certainly, the more I think about it, the more I long for the comforting certainties of an old-fashioned school outfitter: not just flexible belts, but grey merino-wool V-neck jumpers, white cotton shirts and absolutely no acrylic skirts. And you know what? They would look as good on a stern great-aunt as when she was sweet 16.
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I think you made some good points in Features also.
Wow you are so smart ! very good work !!